Once upon a time....
a guy asked a girl,
"Will you marry me?"
The girl said "NO"
and the guy live happily ever after...
The End.
Showing posts with label Jokes 1. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes 1. Show all posts
Shortest love story
Once upon a time....
a guy asked a girl,
"Will you marry me?"
The girl said "NO"
and the guy live happily ever after...
The End.
Old man... JOKE
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel."
"I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents."
"The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37."
"Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars."
All About Muthu... happy reading... :)
MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*
Interviewer: "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
*****
*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview... .
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O- X."
*****
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like
a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'. .. that's
why."
Wife : ?????????
*****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his
village...
Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."
*****
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg
and told it to "WALK! WALK!"
The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same.
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four
legs, it becomes deaf."
*****
*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the
driver
adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will
drive."
*****
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard
"* WASH BASIN * "
*****
*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and
it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination. "
*****
*Oh... Lastly.... I forgot ............ . the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why????????? ???
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned on the
right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
Interviewer: "What is your birth date?"
Muthu : "13th October."
Interviewer : "Which year?"
Muthu : "Every year."
*****
*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*
The Manager asked Muthu at an interview... .
"Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?"
Muthu replied: "P-O-S-T-B-O- X."
*****
*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, "Do I look like
a foreigner?"
Wife: "No! Why?"
Muthu : "In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?'. .. that's
why."
Wife : ?????????
*****
*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his
village...
Muthu said, "No sir, only babies were born here."
*****
*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg
and told it to "WALK! WALK!"
The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same.
The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, "I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four
legs, it becomes deaf."
*****
*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, the
driver
adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, "You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back. I will
drive."
*****
*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard
"* WASH BASIN * "
*****
*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : "Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and
it's on fire. How will you escape?"
Muthu: "It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination. "
*****
*Oh... Lastly.... I forgot ............ . the funniest...*
At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why????????? ???
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read "*PRESS*" pinned on the
right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!
Who is clever.......
One night four college students were partying till late night and didn't study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS ) Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992-96
In the morning they thought of a plan. They made themselves look as dirty and wierd with grease and dirt. They then went up to the Dean and said that they had gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tyre of their car burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in no condition to appear for the test.
So the Dean said they can have the re-test after 3 days. They thanked him and said they will be ready by that time.
On the third day they appeared before the Dean. The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test, All four were required to sit in seperate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.
The Test consisted of 2 questions with the total of 100 Marks.
Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ........( 2 MARKS ) Q.2. Which tyre burst ?........... ....( 98 MARKS )
a) Front Left
b) Front Right
c) Back Left
d) Back Right .....!!!
True story from IIT Bombay ...Batch 1992-96
Young and pretty lady wishes to marry a rich guy. Fantastic reply from a financial person
A young and pretty lady posted this on a popular forum:
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the n ame s and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here’s a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
>From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps.
signed, J.P. Morgan
Title: What should I do to marry a rich guy?
I’m going to be honest of what I’m going to say here. I’m 25 this year. I’m very pretty, have style and good taste. I wish to marry a guy with $500k annual salary or above. You might say that I’m greedy, but an annual salary of $1M is considered only as middle class in New York . My requirement is not high. Is there anyone in this forum who has an income of $500k annual salary? Are you all married? I wanted to ask: what should I do to marry rich persons like you? Among those I’ve dated, the richest is $250k annual income, and it seems that this is my upper limit. If someone is going to move into high cost residential area on the west of New York City Garden ( ? ) , $250k annual income is not enough.
I’m here humbly to ask a few questions:
1) Where do most rich bachelors hang out? (Please list down the n ame s and addresses of bars, restaurant, gym)
2) Which age group should I target?
3) Why most wives of the riches is only average-looking? I’ve met a few girls who doesn’t have looks and are not interesting, but they are able to marry rich guys
4) How do you decide who can be your wife, and who can only be your girlfriend? (my target now is to get married)
Ms. Pretty
Here’s a reply from a Wall Street Financial guy:
Dear Ms. Pretty,
I have read your post with great interest. Guess there are lots of girls out there who have similar questions like yours. Please allow me to analyze your situation as a professional investor. My annual income is more than $500k, which meets your requirement, so I hope everyone believes that I’m not wasting time here.
>From the standpoint of a business person, it is a bad decision to marry you. The answer is very simple, so let me explain. Put the details aside, what you’re trying to do is an exchange of “beauty” and “money”: Person A provides beauty, and Person B pays for it, fair and square. However, there’s a deadly problem here, your beauty will fade, but my money will not be gone without any good reason. The fact is, my income might increase from year to year, but you can’t be prettier year after year. Hence from the viewpoint of economics, I am an appreciation asset, and you are a depreciation asset. It’s not just normal depreciation, but exponential depreciation. If that is your only asset, your value will be much worried 10 years later
By the terms we use in Wall Street, every trading has a position, dating with you is also a “trading position”. If the trade value dropped we will sell it and it is not a good idea to keep it for long term – same goes with the marriage that you wanted. It might be cruel to say this, but in order to make a wiser decision any assets with great depreciation value will be sold or “leased”. Anyone with over $500k annual income is not a fool; we would only date you, but will not marry you. I would advice that you forget looking for any clues to marry a rich guy. And by the way, you could make yourself to become a rich person with $500k annual income. This has better chance than finding a rich fool.
Hope this reply helps.
signed, J.P. Morgan
the craziest language
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
The one fowl is goose, but two are called geese.
Yet the plural of moose, should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest of mice.
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
When we say brother, we say brethren.
But though we may say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim.
So, English I fancy you will agree
Is the craziest language that you ever did see.
But the plural of ox should be oxen, not oxes.
The one fowl is goose, but two are called geese.
Yet the plural of moose, should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest of mice.
But the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always men,
Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot, and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose.
When we say brother, we say brethren.
But though we may say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his, and him,
But imagine the feminine, she, shis, and shim.
So, English I fancy you will agree
Is the craziest language that you ever did see.
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