Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
I'm Still Waiting!!!
I did what you told me..
I sent the email to 10 people like you said.
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen.
To all my friends who in years sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT CRAP WORKED!
For 2010, could you please just send money, shoes , chocolate, movie tickets or PETROL VOUCHERS!!
Thank you!
I sent the email to 10 people like you said.
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen.
To all my friends who in years sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something, NONE OF THAT CRAP WORKED!
For 2010, could you please just send money, shoes , chocolate, movie tickets or PETROL VOUCHERS!!
Thank you!
A Touching Love Story..
This is indeed touching.... .....
A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in love with a guy who was a cleaner.
When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not like it at all,
and so began to protest about it.
Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes for a happy future.
The girl's father started searching for the two lovers but could not find them.
At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in a local newspaper.
Her father said "If you both comeback I will allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each other truly."
So in this way, their love won and they returned home.The couple went to town to shop for the wedding dress.
He was dressed in white shirt that day.
While he was crossing the road to the other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died on the spot.
The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that she recovered from her shock.
The funeral and cremation was the very next day because he had died horribly.
Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an old lady.
The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible.
But her mother ignored the dream.The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in fear and told her mother about the dream.
Her mother asked her to wash the clothes which have blood stains immediately.
She washed the stains but some remained.
Next night she again had the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.
Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the stains,and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.She was very tired.
In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,some one knocked the door.
When she opened the door she saw the same old lady of her dream standing at her door.
She got very scare dand fainted.
.
.
.
.
The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which shocked
.
.
.
the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
.
.
.
The old lady replied...
.
.
.
.
"Try Surf Exel Washing powder... just a dab and it will remove all stubborn stains!!!" .
............. ......... ...I know how you all are feeling now... ............ ....
fUnnny cOnversation : George Bush and Condolezza Rice
Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
SCENE: The Oval Office. George Bush and Condolezza Rice.
George: Condi! Nice to see you? What''s happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Let's hear it.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I''m asking you? Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu?
George: The Chinese?
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya?asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well,I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That''s the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes sir.
George: Yassir? You mean arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. On the phone. I bet he knows.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: Call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N .?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: and stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N!
Condi: Kofi?
George: all right! Light with sugar. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too.
What can we eat?
Can't eat pork,
Swine flu... n Haram ;-)
Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.
Can't eat Beef,
Mad cow....
Can't eat eggs,
Salmonella.
Can't eat fish,
heavy metal poisons in their waters.
Can't eat fruits and veggies,
insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!
Remember - - - 'STRESSED'
spelled backwards! is
'DESSERTS'
I just wanted to put a smile on your face. ;-)
Swine flu... n Haram ;-)
Can't eat chicken,
Bird flu.
Can't eat Beef,
Mad cow....
Can't eat eggs,
Salmonella.
Can't eat fish,
heavy metal poisons in their waters.
Can't eat fruits and veggies,
insecticides and herbicides.
Hmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
M
I believe that leaves Chocolate and ice cream!!!!!!!!
Remember - - - 'STRESSED'
spelled backwards! is
'DESSERTS'
I just wanted to put a smile on your face. ;-)
Transfering labour pain... ;-)
A married couple went to he hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother’s labour pain to the father.
He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it.
The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.
But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer.
The husband was still feeling fine.
The doctor checked the husband’s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%.
The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him.
The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic.
When they got home, the mailman was lying dead on their porch. ;-)
Where to go?... ;-)
Two people, John and Mike, are sitting on a plane behind a Muslim guy. To irritate the Muslim guy they strike up this conversation:
John says to Mike: "So where are you off to.....India?
Mike: "Oh, no I heard that there are too many muslims there."
(The Muslim guy stirs in his seat)
John: "Are you going to Iran?"
Mike: "No, that place is even more populated with muslims!"
John: "Are you going to Indonesia?"
Mike: "Ugh....no way....that place is crawling with muslims!"
(By now the Muslim guy is getting really mad....)
John: "So, you must be going to Pakistan?"
Mike: "Absolutely NOT.....that place is INFESTED with muslims!!"
Frustrated, the Muslim guy turns around and says,
WHY DON'T YOU BOTH GO TO HELL, I HEAR THERE AREN'T ANY MUSLIMS THERE!!!"
John says to Mike: "So where are you off to.....India?
Mike: "Oh, no I heard that there are too many muslims there."
(The Muslim guy stirs in his seat)
John: "Are you going to Iran?"
Mike: "No, that place is even more populated with muslims!"
John: "Are you going to Indonesia?"
Mike: "Ugh....no way....that place is crawling with muslims!"
(By now the Muslim guy is getting really mad....)
John: "So, you must be going to Pakistan?"
Mike: "Absolutely NOT.....that place is INFESTED with muslims!!"
Frustrated, the Muslim guy turns around and says,
WHY DON'T YOU BOTH GO TO HELL, I HEAR THERE AREN'T ANY MUSLIMS THERE!!!"
farts... hehehe
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water.
Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty little fart.
She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Ginger!" Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip.
This time she didn't even think about it.
She let rip with a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit ginger, get away from her before she shits on you!"
Fun
This msg has No Fat
No cholesterol n No Addictive
this is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it.Happy Birthday
************ *****
I used to think that dreams do not come true, but this quickly changed the moment I laid my eyes on you.
************ *******
If you are in tension,
If nothing seems right,
If u find no way out,
Then just think of me only once,
I will be always there to INCREASE your tensions.
************ *****
I can’t find a reason why God gave U to me, but that is not the question to b asked; May b the question is how did God knew that I needed a friend like U.
************ *****
Knock! Knock! May I come into ur world? I bring no flowers, no gifts but wishes to keep u fresh, prayers to keep u healthy & luv to keep u smiling. Gud Morning!
************ ******
Two devils came in 2 my dreams. They said-We want 2 disturb some good person. I suggest them ur name. They said -We cannot disturb our boss.
************ ****
Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
************ *****
In my life I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 B happy, 2 B strong,
2 work hard, 2 B honest, 2 B faithful, 2 forgive. But I couldn't learn how 2 forget U...
************ *****
24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely.
Have a lovely day n life!
**********
If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!
**********
No cholesterol n No Addictive
this is all natural except, with a lot of sugar. But it can never be as sweet as the one reading it.Happy Birthday
************ *****
I used to think that dreams do not come true, but this quickly changed the moment I laid my eyes on you.
************ *******
If you are in tension,
If nothing seems right,
If u find no way out,
Then just think of me only once,
I will be always there to INCREASE your tensions.
************ *****
I can’t find a reason why God gave U to me, but that is not the question to b asked; May b the question is how did God knew that I needed a friend like U.
************ *****
Knock! Knock! May I come into ur world? I bring no flowers, no gifts but wishes to keep u fresh, prayers to keep u healthy & luv to keep u smiling. Gud Morning!
************ ******
Two devils came in 2 my dreams. They said-We want 2 disturb some good person. I suggest them ur name. They said -We cannot disturb our boss.
************ ****
Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!
************ *****
In my life I learned how 2 love, 2 smile, 2 B happy, 2 B strong,
2 work hard, 2 B honest, 2 B faithful, 2 forgive. But I couldn't learn how 2 forget U...
************ *****
24hrs make a lovely day,
7 days make a lovely week,
52 weeks make a lovely year & knowing a
person like me will make ur life lovely.
Have a lovely day n life!
**********
If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!
But I'm only a cartoonist!
**********
Fastest Thing in the World
4 men - a Marathi, Bengali, Gujrati and our Santa were being interviewed for a top job. With nothing to choose between them, the President told them over dinner that the decisive test would be carried out the following morning, with each candidate being asked the same question and the best answer would get them the job.
The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately." "That's a great answer," replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light....."
The next morning, first up was the Marathi. "Here's your question," said the President, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" Without hesitation, he replied "A thought, because it takes no time at all." "Very good answer," said the President.
Next up was the Gujrati, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. "A blink," replied the Gujju almost instantaneously, "cos you don't think about a blink. It's a reflex." "Good answer," replied the president.
Next was the Bengali, "What's the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. The Bengali thought for a moment, "Electricity, because you can flip a switch and 20 miles away a light will go on immediately." "That's a great answer," replied the president.
Finally, it was our Santa's turn. "What`s the fastest thing in the world?" asked the president. Scratching his head Santa replied: "Diarrhoea, because last night after dinner I was lying on my bed when I got these awful stomach pains and before I could think, blink or turn on the light....."
Sardar Jokes
Three police squads , The Scotland Yard police , The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar brigade contest for the best police force ward . The judges lead them to the Gir forest of India and assign them the mission. He who captures an adult LIon and brings it back alive in the fastest time will be adjudged the best .
First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up .
Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion .
Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@! You are a lion)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help. The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days, the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometres."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A sardar, a Madrasi and a Gujarati were waiting for a bus when a dangerous-looking guy approached them. He suddenly pulled out a syringe with blood inside it and said in a menacing tone - "Give me all your valuables or I'll pierce you with this needle. This contains AIDS infected blood!" Our friends were naturally alarmed - all except the sardar.
The Madrasi immediately gave away all his valuables. The Gujju bargained with the stranger and gave away half of his belongings. The sardar, however, was unfazed. He refused to part with his money. In anger and frustration, the guy pricked the sardar with the needle and ran away.The alarmed Madrasi and Gujju asked the sardar - " How could you do this? Now you will get AIDS surely!" The sardar coolly replied - " No! I won't! I am wearing a condom".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A young ventriloquist is touring North India and stops to entertain a gathering in Punjab. He's going through his usual stupid sardar jokes (similar to the ones in the Sirippu web site!), when a big burly sardar in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your silly sardar jokes; we aren't all stupid here in Punjab."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the stupid little fellow on your knee!"
First Scotland yard goes into the forest and comes back in half an hour with a Lion all tied up .
Then the NY police go in and come back in 15 minutes with a tied up lion .
Lastly the sardar brigade goes in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis .The judges give up and decide to search for them . They go into the forest . After some searching , they find the sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a tree. The sardarjis have tied up a big bear to a tree and one of them is shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol ! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a lion! You @#$%@! You are a lion)
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A sardar from Delhi had an old car which had run for over a 1,00,000 kilometres. He wanted to sell it, but was not getting a good price because of its excess mileage.
He approached a Madrasi friend of his and asked for help. The Madrasi gave him an address in Chennai (Madras) and asked him to visit a mechanic there. The mechanic would adjust the meter so that it shows only 30,000 kilometres.
The sardar thanked him and left for Madras. For a few days, the Madrasi didn't see the sardar. He assumed that the sardar would have sold the car.
A few weeks later, the sardar came to see the Madrasi in the same car. The Madrasi was surprised and asked - "What happened? Why have you not sold your car yet?"
The sardar replied - "Why should I? It has run for only 30,000 kilometres."
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A sardar, a Madrasi and a Gujarati were waiting for a bus when a dangerous-looking guy approached them. He suddenly pulled out a syringe with blood inside it and said in a menacing tone - "Give me all your valuables or I'll pierce you with this needle. This contains AIDS infected blood!" Our friends were naturally alarmed - all except the sardar.
The Madrasi immediately gave away all his valuables. The Gujju bargained with the stranger and gave away half of his belongings. The sardar, however, was unfazed. He refused to part with his money. In anger and frustration, the guy pricked the sardar with the needle and ran away.The alarmed Madrasi and Gujju asked the sardar - " How could you do this? Now you will get AIDS surely!" The sardar coolly replied - " No! I won't! I am wearing a condom".
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
A young ventriloquist is touring North India and stops to entertain a gathering in Punjab. He's going through his usual stupid sardar jokes (similar to the ones in the Sirippu web site!), when a big burly sardar in the audience stands up and says "I've heard just about enough of your silly sardar jokes; we aren't all stupid here in Punjab."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy pipes up "You stay out of this mister, I'm talking to the stupid little fellow on your knee!"
LOVE STORY
THERE WAS A BLIND GIRL WHO USED TO HATE EVERYONE EXCEPT HER BOYFRIEND... SHE ALWAYS USED TO SAY THAT I'LL MARRY YOU IF I COULD SEE!!! SUDDENLY ONE DAY SOMEONE DONATED EYES TO HER...
AND THEN WHEN SHE SAW HER BOYFRIEND, SHE WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THAT HER BOYFRIEND WAS ALSO BLIND... HER BOYFRIEND THEN ASKED, "WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?" SHE SIMPLY REFUSED ...
HER BOYFRIEND WENT AWAY SAYING, "JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES".....
AND THEN WHEN SHE SAW HER BOYFRIEND, SHE WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THAT HER BOYFRIEND WAS ALSO BLIND... HER BOYFRIEND THEN ASKED, "WILL YOU MARRY ME NOW?" SHE SIMPLY REFUSED ...
HER BOYFRIEND WENT AWAY SAYING, "JUST TAKE CARE OF MY EYES".....
Definitions you won't find in the dictionary!
ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CANNIBAL: Someone who is fed up with people.
CHICKENS: The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
GOSSIP: A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: Grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
TOOTHACHE: The pain that drives you to extraction.
TOMORROW: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.
YAWN: An honest opinion openly expressed.
WRINKLES: Something other people have. You have character lines.
WORDS WOMEN USE
FINE
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up
FIVE MINUTES
if she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is
only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
this is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually
end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
this is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make
to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
a woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments
they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!
Oh, and before we forget
"Whatever"
...it's a woman's way of saying *! #@ YOU
this is the word women use to end an argument when they are right
and you need to shut up
FIVE MINUTES
if she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is
only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to
watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING
this is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you
should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually
end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD
this is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often
misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and
arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY
this is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make
to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS
a woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say
you're welcome.
Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments
they can avoid if they remember the terminology!
And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!
Oh, and before we forget
"Whatever"
...it's a woman's way of saying *! #@ YOU
Great answer to Wife... Must Read once..
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up. But then the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
The husband says, "What?"
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her Christmas shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits.
She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellery Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she doesn't care.
She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, "But you don't even play tennis! Well, okay if you like it then let's get it. You deserve the best for Christmas."
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey, I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the husband says, "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
The husband says, "What?"
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman. The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen that night and he might as well deal with it.
So the next day the husband takes her Christmas shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits.
She can't decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. Then they go over and get matching shoes worth $200 each. And then they go to the Jewellery Department where she gets a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out, but she doesn't care.
She goes for the tennis bracelet. The husband says, "But you don't even play tennis! Well, okay if you like it then let's get it. You deserve the best for Christmas."
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says, "I am ready to go, let's go to the cash register." The husband stops and says, "No, honey I don't feel like buying all this stuff now." The wife's face goes blank. "No honey, I just want you to hold this stuff for a while."
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode and the husband says, "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a man."
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Bill Gates
Bill Gates in Hell
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
===========================================================================
Letter to Mr.Bill Gates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to the internet, we planned to open an email account & whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column. Only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santosh Singh and he said that there is no problem with the keyboard. Because of this we open the email account with password ******. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We're unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop'. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is a 'run' in the menu. One of my friends has clicked 'run' and has run up to Amritsar! So we request you to change that to 'sit'. So that we can click that button by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any’re-scooter' available in the system? As I find only’re-cycle', but I own a scooter at home.
6. There is a 'find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot on tracing the key with this 'find' but unable to trace. Is it a 'bug'?
7. Every night I'm not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, so I suggest that you provide 1 dog to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when you are going to give me money for winning Hearts (playing cards in game) and when are you coming to my home to collect your money.
9. My child learnt Microsoft Word now he wants to learn Microsoft Sentence, so when can you provide that?
:tq:
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't..."
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys."
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."
===========================================================================
Letter to Mr.Bill Gates
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. After connecting to the internet, we planned to open an email account & whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column. Only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santosh Singh and he said that there is no problem with the keyboard. Because of this we open the email account with password ******. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.
2. We're unable to enter anything after we click the 'shut down' button.
3. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop'. We request you to check this.
4. We find there is a 'run' in the menu. One of my friends has clicked 'run' and has run up to Amritsar! So we request you to change that to 'sit'. So that we can click that button by sitting.
5. One doubt is that any’re-scooter' available in the system? As I find only’re-cycle', but I own a scooter at home.
6. There is a 'find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot on tracing the key with this 'find' but unable to trace. Is it a 'bug'?
7. Every night I'm not sleeping as I have to protect my 'mouse' from CAT, so I suggest that you provide 1 dog to kill that cat.
8. Please confirm when you are going to give me money for winning Hearts (playing cards in game) and when are you coming to my home to collect your money.
9. My child learnt Microsoft Word now he wants to learn Microsoft Sentence, so when can you provide that?
:tq:
SHORT & FUNNY JOKES
Condom says to Kotex,
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine
months
============================
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a
dick on his face!"
===============================
A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her
apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"
so he ran off with the TV and VCD...
===============================
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ONE every morning!
===========================
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong"
==============================
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3
times a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
============================
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing... ..
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied:
"MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
"When you work, I lose seven days of business."
Kotex replies, "If you fail to work once, my business stops for nine
months
============================
A camel and an elephant met, and the elephant asked: "Why do you have
your tits on your back?"
The camel responded: "What a silly question from someone who has a
dick on his face!"
===============================
A black guy and a white girl met at a nite club. She took him to her
apartment and said: "tie me to the bed and do what black men do best!"
so he ran off with the TV and VCD...
===============================
Wife: "I wish I were a newspaper, so you can hold me every morning!"
Husband: "I wish you're a newspaper TOO, my dear so
I can have a NEW ONE every morning!
===========================
A Chinese couple got married. When baby was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown.
Finally, name of the baby was SAM TING LONG ("some thing wrong"
==============================
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: "You look so weak and exhausted! Are you eating your meals 3
times a day as I advised?
Lady : "Doc, I thought you said 3 males a day!"
============================
Phone rings and maid picks up the phone as her master is bathing... ..
When the caller asked what's he doing, the maid Replied:
"MASTURBATING."(master bathing)
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